futurecatlady.net

Dear Sydney and Skittles,

You’ve really done it this time. I am angry. You just had to piss on my pink lululemon hoodie, didn’t you?

I left for a few days. You had two clean litterboxes and more than enough food and water. You never want anything to do with me when I am home and then you pull this passive aggressive, “laura is gone so i am going to piss on her favourite shirt” nonsense. That’s my favourite shirt, bitches. This means war.

Skittles, I am assuming it was you. I am still angry about last week when I had just finished cleaning your litterbox and was putting clothes into the dryer when i turned around and watched you urinate on my freshly laundered clothes. You’re such a pussy, acting all tough and peeing in front of me and then run away like a wimp. Screw off.

Then again, It could be you, Syd. I still remember the time that I left the dryer door open and you peed on my clothes. For weeks, whatever I put in the dryer would smell like piss. It’s bad enough I was a single mom with limited social skills, but you had to make me smell like cat pee. It’s a wonder I ever found a man.

Parker loves you guys. I love you and I think Kevin is starting to love you despite his eagerness to shoot the both of you. You are my girls but if anyone pees on anything of mine one more time, I AM GOING TO THROW YOU IN THE RIVER*

love and kisses,
laura

*When I imply that I am going to drown my cats in the river, I mean I will be very angry… and then I soak and wash the affected/pissed on item in hot water multiple times, spray with febreeze and hope for the best. Oh, and of course I will unleash said anger onto the internet because that is the number way to win the war on cat piss.

**EDIT: So in the retelling of the cat pee story, Parker overhead me say, “I was so mad that I wrote the cats a letter.” He repeated it multiple times while laughing and I am willing to bet that he tells his father, teacher and random strangers about what his mother has done this time.

my way of dealing with my anger is to have random conversations with myself after the incident takes place. i say aloud what i would have said at the time if i had thought of it, or had the balls to say it. sometimes i will be playing the conversation back in my head and then parker will say, “what, mama?” as even at three years of age, he knows that i should not be talking to myself.

Some examples of my comebacks are: “i fucking like cheese slices, bitch” or “bloody hell. i am not your “helper”, you overpaid retard” and sometimes even, “don’t tell me i’m a liar. do you think i get off on coming in here lying to you, ms. postal clerk? just give me my fucking letter or i will take two pieces of id and shove it up your old bag ass.”

harsh, i know but really, i rarely ever swear. it is usually only when i hurt myself unless i am very, very angry. the neat thing about me is when i get really angry, i start yelling and ranting and i don’t make any sense at all.

today was a bad driving day. i had two near miss accidents. the first one we won’t talk about because it was totally my fault. in the second one, a woman totally cut me off and i had to slam on brakes so i wouldn’t hit her.

my response: “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU DRIVE LIKE ME, YOU FUCKER.”
*waves fist in the air*

…biggest insult ever.

dearest neighbour,

although, i have only known you a short time, i feel our relationship is becoming intimate. we check our mail at the same time, leave flyers in our mailboxes and have similiar penchants for morning sex.

however, the difference lies in that when i have sex in the morning, it is more of a sleepy, gentler “maybe i should go back to bed…” morning song sex compared to whatever the hell it is that you and your skinny tight jeaned wearing lover are doing. it’s not that i don’t appreciate a good movie or rough..whatever, but not at 8am on a sunday morning.

you must know that i can hear you since the walls in this building are notoriously thin. do you not care or do you just get off harder on the fact that i am forced to listen? your screams scare me. is he hurting you? the fact that your bed squeaks so loudly and pounds against the wall so hard make me wonder what exactly you are doing. i am almost tempted to shimmy up the side of the apartment to spy if it wasn’t for the fact you are both so old and unattractive.

when i woke up to your sounds of “pleasure” at 6am thursday morning, i had to laugh. i thought it was funny because it was so early and well, at least someone in the building is getting something. friday afternoon, when you woke my son up from a nap, it wasn’t so funny anymore. today, after working a midnight shift with a cold, having to listen to you when i could have been sleeping peacefully, was a nightmare. i am now in a bloody rage cursing you with never ending menstruation, yeast infections or anything else that could slow you down for a few hours so I COULD FINALLY GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP.

i beg you; JUST STOP HAVING SEX or at least follow sarah’s advice to fuck her gently. sleep in, go get some egg mcmuffins, try something adventurous and go outdoors. for the love of god, i need to sleep.

hugs and kisses,

laura the sick/crabby/sleep deprived woman who lives below you

sometimes people drive me nuts. absolutely nuts.

i totally get where people are coming from sometimes; i’ve been known to be a little irrational and neurotic myself but christ, come the fuck on, people. there comes a time when you have to accept some sort of responsibility for yourself. i’ve made a ton of mistakes in my life and like most people, can think, “hmmm that wasn’t a good choice.” or “i really fucked that up.” you screw up, you think about it, whine to the internet, and try again.

…but then there are those special people who can live thirty years and never do a thing wrong. all these things happen to them and it has nothing to do with their choices. they don’t have many friends or their marriage is shit because of their partner. they don’t have a job because thunder bay is a shithole and impossible to find work. they don’t have any money to contribute to things because they are in a financial lull, no way they could have spent their money on other things. their child doesn’t like them/listen/behave and they have no idea why.

when you admit that you have at least some control over what happens in your life, you can use that control to change it! is it really that hard to think “my child is a spoiled little punk. it might have something to do with how i parent” or “well, i have shitty relationships so maybe my communication skills might need some work?”

it is almost as if some people never leave the stage of being able to blame their parents for everything. when they can’t do that anymore, they blame everyone else possible. i think it’s pretty sad if i can be one of the most irrational thinkers in town yet i can still see you’re being unreasonable.

embrace your mistakes. tell them to the internet, even.

as longtime readers have likely noticed, i make tons of mistakes and even repeat some of them because it takes me a little more time to figure things out. i’ve had many failed careers and relationships with people but with each one you learn and maybe one day, it will all come together (or not, but at least i can have more stories to tell.)

communication is hard for some people but if you actually talk about how you feel and if you are angry, things might go a little better than say if you never say anything and bash them on the internet. no friends..? pick up a bloody phone and call someone to do something. you are not entitled to a social planner; make your own plans or maybe not punk out all the time with shitty excuses because people will stop asking you out. i have finally reached a stage in life where i can say things like, “hey, sarah, what you said about the movie ghost really made me angry” or “hey dave. i haven’t seen you in awhile. may i suggest a threesome?”

as for child-rearing challenges, my child is a tantrum throwing, stubborn, waking up in the middle of the night to talk about cookies yet language delayed little man. i read books and get help from more experienced moms and professionals and some days are better. my own financial woes are that i spend too much on clothes because i am too lazy to do laundry and i constantly forget to hand in timesheets.

admitting is the first step and truly liberating..everyone try!

…now of course, there are some neurotic little souls out there thinking i am referring to them. i’m not; it’s just some general human race characteristics i’ve noticed and inspired to write about at 5am. no one person, i assure you :)

so i always have things to write that i start writing..or think about writing that never make it up there until weeks later when i get ambitious.

tonight i am crabby. why are people the way they are? like seriously, i didn’t even do anything. i am so frustrated i want to cry.

all i want to do is go to the fucking circus.

it is brutally hot and i am sweating. i am suffering from a severe lack of sleep. this may have set me up for today’s rant. anyway, it’s father’s day. big shit. most people on here know that i am not fan of holidays. father’s day doesn’t even register on the holiday hate meter because for me, it’s just another day because nothing about it applies to my life.

idiot: what are you doing tonight? me: nothing at all. i
diot: what? you’re not doing anything for father’s day!?
me: um…NO!!!!
idiot: why not?
me: are you retarded?

see i would expect this from some random but not someone who has been a “friend” of mine for ten years. what the hell would i be doing on father’s day? my father is dead. my baby is out with his daddy, my favourite cross to bear. my entire social circle is out of town. in school, we talked about how father’s day can be for mommies and grandpas and aunts and so on..so maybe i should call up my mom and see if she wants to go out. come the fuck on.

in other news, i have a pimple or in my ear. what the hell is that about?

since i have not had a crazy, angry entry in awhile, i thought i would give it a go. now for the things i am pissed off about in no particular order..

1. last night, i forgot to put the ice cream back into the fridge and it melted. now i am without ice cream and pissed off at the world.

2. grade ones are “dating”. no wonder why girls end up pregnant by the time they are 12. back when i was 6, kiddies were not dating. today, they were holding hands, calling each other cutesy names and giving each other back massages. at least if it was one of the nice boys in the class, i might be able to understand but no..these girls are already going for the bad boys. it’s just plain wrong. the world has gone crazy.

3. on a related note, 6 year olds are getting more action than i am! ugly, non-personality girls are getting engagements after like five months to nice guys…with jobs. i am well aware since i have parker aka man repellant, my chances of meeting someone would be better if i was 400lbs and didn’t have any teeth, but come the fuck on. the least someone could do is look at me once in a while and let me have that glimmer of hope that there is someone out there who is not a stupid ass. and if you are reading and thinking that my singleness has nothing to do with the fact i have a toddler, you are so wrong as i can give you names. fuckers.

4. i thought life was back to normal and was not going to be a bad episode of judging amy for a little while. i was wrong. apparently, two months is much too long for me to not have to make an appearance at the good old family courthouse. whatever. the kicker is this time i get to miss work to do it. fucking grand. maybe i will end up in jail too..

5. why the hell does everyone think they are so entitled to have money and a great life? get a job..then maybe you might have some money. blah, blah, blah..there are no jobs in thunder bay. whatever, why do i have five then? also, when you went to school for your b.ed, you knew there were not going to be teaching jobs in thunder bay so why now, after you have graduated, do you think someone is going call you up and say, “here, have a job..”? seriously, grow up. on a related note, what the hell did you think you were going to get as a job with a ba or bsc from lu? christ. just suck it up, go to a call centre or something and JUST WORK ALREADY. just because you are “you” and you think you are special does not mean the rest of the world does. to simplify, YOU DO NOT HAVE MONEY BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE A JOB. the end.

5. also in line with the entitlement, if someone says something to you and you don’t like it, that doesn’t mean that it is abuse. seriously, don’t start in on “it’s abuse” because it’s not, it’s the truth. also, i hate it when people claim favouritism or racism because they don’t get what they want or someone treats them not as nice as they think they should be treated..you know what? maybe you are treated like that because you’re a bitch and you’re crazy and because of that, people don’t like you. trust me, it has nothing to do with your race.

damn that felt good.

nnnnight.

edit: dragon ink just reminded me about what i was supposed to blog about before i got sidetracked with rage.

Suelaimon said: Rosie, I am very physic and I am constantly seeing you with an inner child named Mary. Could we discuss it please?

rosie gets all the quacks. sometimes i feel bad for her. sometimes i think she deserves it for being so famous yet blogging. sometimes i wonder if the world has really gone mad. all of the time, i wish i got comments like that in my blog. i think my inner child is named desmond.

i think people should respect me more. i have a baby by myself and i think i am doing a pretty good job. i am sick of passive aggressive bullshit. thank you.