4:38 am
another birthday, another midlife crisis.
Posted by futurecatlady under angst , men are hard(6) Comments
ten days.
in ten days, on the 27th, i will be turning..you guessed it..27. if anyone wants to get in on the blue dolphin aka the best birthday gift ever, contact jules or dave. luckily, i am blessed to have friends that have started a fund to make this birthday a “good” one. lord knows everyone needs some birthday action.
with 27 comes another year and more reflection. 26 was a good year. i went through a lot of stuff (again) and am stronger for it. work was awesome this year and i found a job i love. good friendships became greater friendships and i met some new awesome people. my little man continues to grow and amaze me every single day. i took some great trips (dryden, winnipeg, kenora and america) and had some cool adventures.
..so i am happy with my little guy and my work and my friends. but once again, we must jump to the one thing missing.
since it took me forever to regroup after the cherry popsicle saga, i only started to date again almost exactly a year ago. in one year, i have had more dating disasters than anyone can imagine. i’ve learned alot about myself through these unfortunate incidents. although, i have some huge regrets (i.e. WTF, WERE YOU THINKING LAST SUMMER!?!?”) for the most part, the return to the world of dating has been quite the learning experience.
learning is all fine and dandy, but i’m getting older. i don’t want to die alone with a bunch of cats. keeping that in mind, i am very cautious and will do anything to avoid getting hurt again. falling for someone scares the shit out of me because from what i’ve learned about relationships, committment leaves you pregnant and homeless, crying on your kitchen floor. it’s unfortunate that i am so guarded but if it’s anything i’ve learned and keep on learning..when you let that guard down, that’s when the guy comes in for some good old heart stomping.
looking back, i can see that even though i was dating* retards, some of the failures were partly my fault for being so distant. avoiding people because i think i might like them too much might not have been the best choice. being a little fickle and not totally honest about my feelings wasn’t awesome of me either. telling people i was only hanging out with them because “i had nothing else going on” or “they had a truck” and acting indifferent were probably not good communication strategies either. this is not to take away from the fact that i did date some idiots this year. let’s be honest…but maybe, just maybe, some of it was me and my insecurities and communication skills. i am, after all, the girl who conveniently “forgets” to introduce people she may be dating to people she sees out in public with them because…well, they might ask questions. it is better to not say anything at all and maybe they won’t think you’re together. :P
i guess to find what you’re looking for, you have to risk getting hurt again. perhaps being a year older and wiser will allow a 27 year old laura to put herself out there some more and maybe find someone who thinks i am awesome with no excuses.
if not, i’ll just enjoy the blue dolphin with season two of the l-word and get another fucking cat.
* i use the term “dating” very loosely. i like the dictionary definition of “an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.” because really, were we dating..or just getting to know each other? were we hanging out or “cool”? seeing each other? “friends”? i don’t ever have a fucking clue. this might explain alot itself.
